The Family Photo Shoot: Part 2- What Was I Worried About?

Like most parents of children with disabilities there are some things that I am acutely aware of us missing out on as a family. Some things I still think will be possible with Master Bubble one day- relaxing holidays (unlike our recent Mothers Day "break"), riding bikes together, having a friend stay over, having a conversation. Other things I am not so sure will ever happen, and when we are going through a rough patch with him it can seem like most things are out of his, and therefore our, reach. Facebook, my link to the world, can be a double edged sword in that respect. There are the big differences- the funny things my friends' kids say, the soccer games, the school holiday activities, even the "relaxing while the kids play at the park" type of status updates. Then there are the things that really aren't that important but which we want- and family photos are one such thing.

Since The Little One came along we've been particularly conscious of the fact that we didn't have any photos of the four of us together and we'd resolved to try with a friend who is a pretty good amateur photographer and who "gets" our bigger boy. Then we won a photo shoot at an autism fundraiser at one of those places that do your hair and make up, Photoshop your pictures so you look amazing, and charge you a bomb for the prints. So I booked it, and then I began to plan, and to worry. You can read about my stressed out preparations and initial consultation with the studio here: The Family Photo Shoot- What Was I Thinking? .

So, on the Saturday I was stressed out to say the least. We overslept, we'd been unable to trim The Bubbly One's hair in his sleep as planned (haircuts are horrific), and I was having visions ranging from him refusing to get dressed for Nanny (my mum) and turning up in his onesie pyjamas for the shoot, to total meltdowns (from him and me) as everyone clamoured to get him to cooperate. You could say I was on something of a mission when we arrived. I clarified straight away how long Nanny had to get him dressed and into the studio and called her. 

To assist him in running the sensory gauntlet that is the local shopping centre Nanny and I had planned to put him straight into a shopping trolley with his harness on (for deep pressure as well as running off) and with his iPad. She was stocked up with bribery marshmallows, I had bubbles and his iPod with parts of Shrek ready to go on Youtube. Daddy later told me that the co-ordinator told him "Gee, your wife's really stressed out about this isn't she?". He was wise not to mention this until later don't you think?

While The Little One slept in his pram I tried to relax and enjoy having my make up done, but was so conscious of how loud the music was. I mentioned to the make up artist that this might be a problem and asked could it be turned down.
"No worries, we had a chat this morning about how we could make it easier for him". I exhaled and started to relax a little.
"So your son has Asperger's doesn't he? We've had a few kids with that in here." Oh no. "So do they take medication? Will he grow out of it?" I explained that The Bubbly One has classic autism and a developmental delay and told her that the best thing they could do was smile, be calm and not all talk to him at once- that he was a happy little boy who just got anxious in new places. Well, that was all they needed to hear. She passed it straight on, everyone was cool and I realised that all my stressing had done was put everyone else on edge. I mentally kicked myself. The only one doubting him here was me.

When he arrived we whisked him (trolley and all) into the photography room, and I have to say that he looked awesome in his jeans, rolled up white shirt, vest and tie. We took his shoes off because we weren't wearing any for the shoot- which also helped him to understand that he wouldn't be leaving for a while. The photographer, who was just so cool and confident, posed Daddy and I so that he and The Little One could see. We got him out of the trolley and he started to cry- until the photographer stood beside him and took a photo. The flash stopped him in his tracks so she did it again. And again. Then she let him press the button. "WO!". And again. She showed him the screen. "Mum!". Our boy was talking- and to a stranger! She took one of him and showed him. What happened next I will never forget and I dearly wish I could've filmed it.

Our camera-shy anxious little boy walked to the little stage and began to pose. He laughed and he smiled. He sat still on Daddy's lap. We got our family shot and more! We relaxed and we laughed and we had so much fun! Then the Little One got upset so I moved away with him to settle him- and my bubbly boy realised he had the stage and the camera all to himself- so he began to perform! He walked in circles. He danced to cookie monster singing on the iPad. The photographer danced too and he laughed with her. She asked him to jump and he jumped. She asked him to look and he looked. And he had the BEST time! We put The Little One down on the floor for his shots and big brother cuddled up to him, and kissed him over and over again, and the photographer just kept on snapping away. I am going to write a thank you letter to this lady but I really don't think that she realised what a gift she was giving our family.

When everything was done, we loaded The Bubbly One back into the trolley with promises of a donut and Nanny took him home so that we could choose our photos when they were ready. When the pictures came up on the screen we were thrilled. Not one, but two beautiful candid family shots, nice shots of Daddy and I where we didn't look tired or stressed, cute pictures of The Little One, and shot after amazing shot of our bubbly boy looking happy, relaxed and so very handsome and proud of himself. We left with a much lightened bank account needless to say, but it was so very worth it.

There was no meltdown, there was no chaos, there was just one little family having their photos taken- and having a truly awesome time.






 

The Family Photo Shoot: What Was I Thinking? Part One.

A couple of months ago our little family participated in an autism awareness/fundraiser walk associated with Master Bubble's school. It was a battle to begin with but we made it the whole way around and walked away feeling like we had achieved something. As we crossed the finish line though our work was only just beginning.

Sensory overload and tiredness are not a good combination in The Bubbly One- it makes him move even more as he tries to orient himself. So when he saw his teacher selling raffle tickets and wanted to hang out near her I was more than happy to do so as opposed to chasing him through everybody's picnic lunches and anywhere near the large lake. In between stealing the ice from the eskys they were selling drinks from he caught a glimpse of a remote control helicopter which was one of the prizes in the raffle. Well, he wanted it. His teacher, who is a gem, removed it from the situation before it escalated further, we plied him with lemonade and ice to distract him and I bought a heap of tickets, never expecting to win. Well, we won, but too late to choose the helicopter, and what should catch my eye but a voucher for family photos at one of those places that does your hair and make up and then charges you an obscene amount for your photos. I picked it up thinking "We've never had a family shoot and we keep saying that we should while The Little One is still little". I say I was thinking- but clearly I wasn't.

We were very pleased with our prize and quit while we were ahead, taking the boys home (The Bubbly One was asleep in two minutes). I went straight in the next day to talk tactics with the studio. The plan would be that Daddy and I would go to get prettied up with The Little One and my mum would bring The Bubbly One to the studio in time for the photos equipped with bubbles, music, bribery tools, etc. I did my best to explain The Bubbly One, his sensory issues and his hyperactivity to the guy taking the booking, and he did his best to understand. He even tried to reassure me that they've had experience shooting kids with autism before. I left feeling okay, even optimistic about the entire venture. My biggest concern was what we would wear.

Fast forward a couple of months, the shoot is on Saturday and I am freaking out. The Bubbly One, while getting more sleep thanks to Melatonin, now has even more energy to burn. His behaviour is all over the place and I just can't pick what is going to be a good day and what isn't. His sensory issues have intensified to include sensory seeking with pretty much any substance his body produces, extreme fussiness about what he will wear, just running everywhere, and his tantrums now include hitting out. Add to this he is noise and sound sensitive with a fear of mechanical noises (e.g. hairdryers) and I am asking myself what the hell I was thinking booking us in for a photo shoot?!

The pre-shoot consultation last week did nothing for my stress levels either. Again, I tried to explain about The Bubbly One and prepare them for the fact that they will have only minutes to get a shot of the four of us (if we can get him in the door). The woman just didn't get it. "It's really nice that your mother is coming to care for the children". Umm no, she is the evacuation plan for when the proverbial hits the fan. "It'll be fine if you don't stress out. If mum is stressed she always looks it in the photos". Great, thanks for the tip. 

Then there's the "styling". "Do you wear make up?". Well, there went the rest of my self esteem. I'd been up since 1am with children that wouldn't sleep after a week with Daddy Bubble away. I was wearing shitloads of make up in a bid to look just a little bit alive- and evidently I still looked like crap! My hair got a look. Could I straighten it before coming in? What were we going to wear? Cue screwed up nose because I said we wanted- wait for it- colour. Apparently the old white shirt and jeans combo is just the done thing. How many outfit changes would we be doing? Um none, Master Bubble won't change clothes once they're on and I'm six months post childbirth, still breastfeeding and not much fits right now. No, I can't go and buy a few new outfits, I've seen your price list.

"Okay, let's talk about the packages. We have a number of great value packages starting from around $1500, but most people go for the iPad package. It's only $3500 and you get an iPad, loaded with 10 photos and your prints in an album. You'll want to bring your credit card." Seriously? I've just told this lady that I have a severely autistic child (whose iPad will probably be in our photos), a six month old baby and we're a single income household! Didn't I tell her that we won our package and that we'd be thrilled if they got just one shot with the four of us in the frame? Didn't I tell her the battle plan we'd devised to try to get that one single shot? Well, I politely said that it would not be possible for us to spend that much money on photos, and could I please see the prices on single prints. No, not mounted and framed, just prints.

I did well, I kept a straight face. Then I picked up my shredded self esteem off the floor, thanked her and left.

Stay tuned for Part Two, this Saturday. :-/